The Guilty Displeasure of an Idle Mind

An idle mind is a devil's workshop, choose your fight

I am back from a 10-day vacation to Bali and this time, with this stage of maturity in my life, I was able to observe many things about myself. The habit of observing myself is stronger now after my Vipassana experience.

A lot of us sail through life without observing ourselves. I also realized that one cannot observe oneself by remembering to observe or putting some effort into observation. Looking inward comes from the practice of meditation.

Once you get into the practice of regular meditation, you observe yourself and your inner world. In many life situations, you will see that a part of you is reacting unconsciously. Most of the misery in our lives comes from involuntary reactions to our surroundings. We go through cycles of craving and aversion.

I thought work was a lot of stress and I needed a break, but the break was more stressful than the work itself. I started observing why the break was stressful. Because I was on a break, a lot of thoughts about the world started flooding my thoughts.

I started worrying about random things. I observed that people in Bali had a very good civic sense compared to India. There were no speed breakers because drivers are responsible. No one honks on the road. Most Indonesians are very warm and polite.

I was also looking at our election results online. I started thinking about climate change, people’s, behavior, and inflation. Mixed emotions occupied my mind while I was trying to enjoy the beauty of Bali. The mind is a monkey.

I am usually spared of such thoughts when I am focusing on my work. Removing work from the routine and having plenty of free time was a guilty displeasure. I am not only feeling bad about leaving a lot of unfinished work behind but also not getting any pleasure from leisure activities. I have changed a lot. 10 years back I would have done anything to get a break from my job. Now it doesn’t feel that way.

Maybe I am not at the right place in my life to enjoy a vacation completely. Having just started a new project and a company, there was a lot in my mind. And I love my work so much that being away from my work felt like work.

We have limited time and energy in this life. And the nature of the mind is to worry about one thing or the other. The mind keeps chewing on things.

We always think that reaching the goal will remove stress from our lives, but not having goals will be more stressful once you reach the goal. Not having goals will be stressful because you start trying to fix things that are not your battles to fight.

There is not much you can do to change the world until you change yourself. World peace starts with inner peace. You cannot exist in the world without having a calm mind.

When you have no battles to fight, your mind will pick some fights anyway. Most retired people are not happy people. They become old and sick not because they age. They become sick because they retire. It’s like getting tired again in life. Re-tired.

So pick your battles. Choose what to fight. Have a clear goal and focus on it. Change yourself and the world will change by itself. You cannot do much about the things that are not under your control.

Introspect and find out what matters to you the most. Allocate mental energy only to that one challenge. At this point in my life, my only challenge is to Grow MicroStartup to 20 crores per year in revenue. There is a lot of work to be done. I decided that I would only worry about that and nothing else. Because that’s one thing under my control.

Thankfully, I am keeping my relationship and fitness in a healthy state which enables me to focus on a challenge. For you, it need not be work. It could be health, relationships, kids, parents, or some cause. I am not saying pick only one. But only pick the fights that are most important to you. Only pick the fights where you have the power to change something.

If you cannot change something, then accept the world as it is. Do not think that the world is imperfect and try to change it. Even if you are the king of the world, you cannot change certain things according to your wishes. You have to accept them as they are and focus on things that you can change.

Acceptance comes from gratitude for what you already have in your life. Many people do not have what you have. Have a gratitude journal.

The struggle is the blessing. The challenge is the gift. You not reaching your goal yet is what is keeping you sane. Otherwise, you will be occupied with something else that doesn’t matter to you.