How to let go (of who we are)

You are always changing. So forget who you are.

You set goals, make plans, and start taking steps forward, only to find yourself sabotaging your progress or giving up altogether. It’s as if an invisible force is stopping you from becoming a new you. It’s a common struggle that many people face, and the culprit is often much closer than we think.

The real obstacle isn't external factors like lack of time, resources, or support. It's not your background, education, or even the economy. The dark force holding you back is, in fact, YOU or more specifically, your perception of yourself.

Who do you think “you” are?

Society has long promoted the idea of the "static self." Phrases like "be yourself," "stick to your roots," and "don't forget where you came from" are ingrained in our social narrative.

While well-intentioned, these sayings can inadvertently encourage us to cling to a fixed identity. We begin to believe that who we are is unchangeable and that our abilities and limitations are set in stone.

This mindset creates a paradox. On one hand, we yearn for growth and improvement. Conversely, we're told to accept ourselves as we are and resist change. The result? We remain stuck in place, dreaming of a better life but feeling paralyzed by the fear of losing our sense of self.

Our attachment to a static identity can manifest in subtle ways. Consider how often people preface their statements with qualifiers like, "As a 30-year-old engineer," or "As someone who's always been bad at math." These labels reinforce our self-imposed limitations. They become excuses that prevent us from stepping out of our comfort zones.

For example, if you believe you're "not a tech person," you might avoid learning new software that could advance your career.

If you see yourself as "shy," you might pass up opportunities that require public speaking. These self-definitions act as barriers to growth, keeping us confined within the boundaries we've set for ourselves.

Who do you want “yourself” to be?

The key to overcoming this internal obstacle lies in changing the fundamental question we ask ourselves. Instead of "Who am I?" we should be asking, "Who am I becoming?"

This shift represents a move from a static to a dynamic understanding of the self. It acknowledges that we are not fixed entities but evolving individuals shaped by our thoughts, choices, and actions. By embracing the concept of "becoming self," we open ourselves up to endless possibilities for growth and transformation.

When we focus on who we're becoming, we take control of our narrative. We start to see ourselves not as victims of circumstance but as active participants in our own development. This perspective empowers us to:

• Set Clear Goals: Define what you want to achieve and who you need to become to get there.

• Adopt New Beliefs: Let go of limiting beliefs and replace them with ones that align with your desired self.

• Take Purposeful Action: Engage in activities that move you toward your goals, even if they challenge your current identity.

Consider the story of many successful individuals who transformed themselves through intentional effort. They didn't start with all the answers or innate abilities. Instead, they committed to becoming the person who could achieve their dreams.

Shedding old skin

Transitioning to the becoming self isn't always comfortable. It often involves facing fears, stepping into the unknown, and enduring temporary feelings of inauthenticity. You might worry about losing your current identity or how others will perceive the "new you."

However, it's important to recognize that clinging to your old self serves no one: not you, and not the people who could benefit from your growth. Personal development isn't about losing yourself; it's about shedding layers that no longer serve you and embracing your potential.

• Identify Your Desired Self: Visualize who you want to become in the next year or five years. What qualities does this person have? What accomplishments? Create a vision board.

• Challenge Limiting Beliefs: Write down beliefs that are holding you back. For each one, find evidence or reasons why it isn't true.

• Take Small Steps: Begin incorporating habits and behaviors of your desired self into your daily routine.

• Surround Yourself with Growth-Oriented People: Engage with individuals who support your journey and inspire you to grow. (Be part of a mastermind)

The journey from "Who am I?" to "Who am I becoming?" is transformative. It requires courage to let go of the familiar and embrace the evolving nature of the self. By adopting this new paradigm, you unlock your ability to grow beyond perceived limitations and achieve the success you've always desired.

Remember, you are not bound by your past or your current identity. Every day presents an opportunity to become a better version of yourself. The only question that remains is: Who are you becoming?

Are you gonna change? Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Become a new you. I will see you on the other side.

Reply to this email or leave a comment below to let me know what you think.

Cheers,
Deepak Kanakaraju